NTA. If you don't have the right to refuse, it's not a request it's a demand. Perhaps throw in a, I know you would NEVER intentionally try to embarrass me, youre not that kind of person! Maybe even drop a condom at her feet. That dress has sentimental value for you and your mother. The dress was ordered before I knew I was pregnant so I had to have it altered if I had any chance of wearing it. These are your inheritance for whom you want to share. Hugs to you, OP! Besides, your body will likely be different ten years from now based upon my experience. Normal people would never ask, better yet demand, someone share a prized possession from their dead mother. your comment lacks a lot of empathy. Get a job and save up for a dress like the rest of us. My mom made my wedding dress and she also did the same for my older sister at her wedding 9 years ago. Yeah if they can't understand why it's so inappropriate and disrespectful it is for her to wear this dress, you might want to question your relationship with these people. Get that dress somewhere else - grandparents or a friend or even pick up a storage unit just to stash the dress (and anything else that these cheapskates may want to get their hands on). Stop justifying why you said no. I did too. She can find another dress. So I have to send a picture of every outfit i wear to a group chat with Tessa and Brad and they get to approve it. Maybe see if there is a safe deposit box at a bank big enough for the dress. Agreed. ), Brad is giving abusive vibes. NTA. I betting that your mom had enough love to give that it wouldnt make a dent it what she had to give to you. Just wanting to pop in and say please take the advice to protect your dress because people can get weird, aggressive and stupid about this kind of stuff. You and your Mom need to find a safe place outside the house for that dress or its going to disappear. It's even better because monster-in-law called her a bridezilla when this is like the opposite of bridezilla. If they're trying to get a used dress cheap they could shop at consignment stores for a dress. This is something special shared between you and your mother that cant be replaced. Unless you think the MIL is a perfectly normal lovely lady ESH when you cant see it coming - unless OP was blind in the relationship. It's been explained to Brad, by the mom, that the mom does not want Tessa wearing her daughters future wedding dress. But what does Tessa mean by giving her the dress BACK? Can you tell a grandparent or a teacher or coach or guidance counselor or a friend's parent about this? No need to extrapolate beyond that. You're still definitely NTA. Play stupid games, win stupid prices. Totally agree. NTA. Though it was unfortunate that this all happened over a dress for prom, the subReddit was likely relieved that the OP was removing herself from an inevitably toxic environment before it could get worse. And to Tessa, 4mil+ thinks youre vile and disgusting. There are no words. This is your dad's gift. NTA. Get someone to come to the house and take the dress away for you to somewhere safe. The dress will be returned to you in an archival storage box that will inhibit aging.). Your mother needs to think very hard about how this affects you and all relationships going forward. They should respect that. Right. I wouldnt give her the dress either. It's sentimental to you, and Brad is really over here trying to bully your mom into ignoring your feelings. I don't care if you decide to make curtains out of it. She can wear her mothers wedding dress instead because shes related to her and therefore sentimental to her mother. Who alters a borrowed dress like that? If it was your blood sister I would say share it, but being that she didnt even know your mom, she doesnt have an attachment to the sentimental value it holds. Where does this Tessa chick get offJust tell her that if she doesnt let it go that you will stand up at that wedding and announce something..like Tessa I hope you got your valtrex prescription refilled or Tessa , did you tell your new husband about that baby you put up for adoption when you were in HS? Bravo! no pictures, no talking to ur dads family, financial abuse when he's stood up to honey.. ur being abused. We all know she would call you ungrateful afterwards when you are inevitably upset that she messed it up. Does she want to "borrow" your husband, too? It is not a dress to hand down to your stepsister. Stick to your no. But it looks like this woman is going to be a huge problem for your marriage. Yes. It has nothing to do selfishness or anything else. I wouldnt be surprised if it was like a plot to ruin that dress so OPs mom no longer has it. NTA, and I bet your wedding looked STUNNING. This. The nerve of the step sister is bad, the position of the stepmom is bad, but the father?! Good gravy, the entitlement is insane. OP, is there anyone you can call to come over to your bedroom window and take the dress for safe keeping? Mom needs to have this conversation with OP alone and needs to put Brad in his place, which is not involved with this situation at all because it's Mom's dress. This is so freaking smart. NTA in the slightest! I agree. He's probably long over his sister's golden child behaviour and happy to finally have a sibling he can have on his side too. I'm three inches shorter than my mother but she was married in 1987 and, luckily, would never even suggest her dress as a good idea. So let her have her snit, youre not in charge of her feelings even tho shes trying to make you believe you are., Also, you might want to (politely, or not) inform anyone who continues to badger you about this that they risk being uninvited. Brad and his daughters opinion are irrelevant. Your stepsister has no right to the dress, please stand your ground and ask a friend to keep it safe for you because I guarantee either your SD or SS will try to take it off you leave it in the house, She could easily have asked for the dress your mom wore to marry HER father. OP, if you read this- I sincerely hope you do not budge on this topic. But yeah, she does call and try to hang out with me outside of wanting stuff. She just wanted it because I had worn it and she always always loved getting my hand me downs. Yeah thats a hard no for me. Brad has absolutely no place in this conversation. I'm worried for both you and your mom about the fallout from BRAD and your wicked stepsister now that they're unable to get what they want. They are the selfish ones here. NTA. Get a safe person to come get the dress and keep it for you. Your husbands aunt is delusional, and your MIL is insane. xD, This is creepier than most of the shit I see here. Its okay to ask, but that should be the end of it. You should immediately end any visit / call the moment the dress is again mentioned. seriously, you are OP. Now! Tessa is really upset she's been crying and texting me asking me to apologize and give her the dress back. Treasure them. Parents who treat their children like partner are the worst, Nta I love it sounds beautiful and unique with the added bonus of showing mil who IS boss. Stand your ground. I think it worked out perfectly. Do you have a trusted friend you can store the dress with? I'm trying to imagine my full sister asking to borrow my wedding dress, and I can't. How would you feel if the dress was ruined by the day? Protect those dresses at all costs. I want to see a picture of your dress!!! The whole thing sounds beautiful (as someone who doesn't want a white wedding dress) - I'd also love to see it! Just buy a different one". Why does she want a dress that she is not emotionally connected to? Please tell us your Mom grew a spine and is keeping the dress for you? OP said it was the last thing of her father's that she had. Teach me your ways! You must have seen how your father favors Tessa before and know shes actually the real brat. But it is not technically your dress, it is you your mom's. Well it's not your problem, that it is not "her style". NTA. You have done nothing wrong and your family are the AHs. You're really joking at a time like this. I dont really have a problem with her or her kids, but I wouldnt share anything of sentimental value with them. Tell ss to get her mum to make her a wedding dress like your mum did for you nta. End of story. NTA. NTA. If not, she needs to grow up and realize relationships are complicated and two-sided. So, explain your reasoning behind not letting her wear the dress (which by the way you already have) and subtract yourself from the family for awhile. If the step sister truly wanted a deeper connection she should ask for quality time, not her prized possessions and heirlooms specifically created for her by her mother that they DO NOT share and is GONE from this world. Your mum is a huge AH for not standing up for you and letting her husband try to destroy an important promise in a nasty power play. Sorry to say, this will need to remain until you use the dress as some people are petty enough to do significant damage with the idea of if I cant use it, neither can you.. Can you compromise and allow your sister to have a dress made in the same style/fashion as the on your mom made? Probably in combination with "you can't kick me out, i have GRANDMA rights" and/or "listen to me and do what i say because I know everything", I can see her being like "you have to get my permission for meds, c sec if needed, any treatment. Also the thing between your husband and his mom feels unhealthy. &/or more forced death march family merging. Both of them are selfish AH-s. Nta, I could be wrong but it seems shes doing it out of spite. If you have a trusted friend who can store them for you, great. I hope you NEVER have to go back to that house as it will all be EXPONENTIALLY worse now that you have foiled their plans, plus Tessa now sees how EVERYONE knows what a massive AH she is too and she will be crying to daddy that she is being picked on. Plus the comment regarding saving so much money was disgusting and shows that she wouldn't value and care for the dress. Brads insults have to be projection because the only ones who are entitled, spoiled, selfish, and brats in this situation are him and his daughter. This is abusing behavior on so many levels it makes my blood boil. Why is that no obvious? In reading your comments, OP, I think it would be wise to get a ring camera, but more than that to change your locks on your house if your dad, Liz, or step sis have copies of keys to your place. Your stepsister isn't wrong for asking to wear it, either. Have you considered moving away from her? Can't wait for this one but there was no wrap, the pallet would not be happy to have tied, the other one that spent less than a year ago everyone was saying "I'm only apologising because I got confused and thought i was hacking You'd never demand that she give you an heirloom from HER mom just because you thought it look nicer on you. Take it to somebody you trust, and don't let them get their hands on it ever again. NTA, but to soften the no could you offer to loan her something else? You don't owe them an apology, but they sure as hell owe you one. Edit: changed I to step-sister to allow for the pettiness to come from anyone unhappy that she cant use that dress. They'll ruin the dress so it's impossible for you to wear. So, then I assume you can ask to take any item you want of stepsisters no matter the price value, sentimentality, or even what you would need said item for, and get your way, right? You didn't single her out and shame her. I wonder how long the dress and by virtue the mother's ex-husband has been a source of resentment for him. The connection I have to these fibers that were run through my mothers hands are not something Im willing to share. Offer to go with your step sis to pick out a dress together, or find a dressmaker and offer to design one together, or lend her your jewelry or wedding shoes or veil or something less important from your wedding. Then why cant she wear the dress from the second wedding? Also, an all white bridal party with a pink wedding gown sounds like it would be really pretty!! However, the manner in which you respect me and my decision will impact our future relationship.". NTA but I would have a chat with the step sister and explain that its one of the last things your mum did for you. I'm so glad you stayed so close, I bet he was just so proud of you and your brother . If I can help her in any way I will. I'm gonna save this for the 2021 AITA Awards, NTA. AITA for refusing to wear my mothers wedding dress?. My advice is lock those dresses up somewhere because there are far too many stories like this on reddit, where the step-sister takes the dress regardless of your approval. I dont care if your mom is alive and well, and she was your bio sister, and you bought the dress off the clearance rack at Davids bridal from a man you were only married two for two weeks after a drunken Vegas wedding that you later got annulled. OP - be careful of who you trust with this. Ive seen some people do some beautiful things with out of style wedding dresses as tributes, either by reworking them or by taking parts of them (lace overlays or appliqus, etc) and working them into new dresses or veils! NTA by far! Her older sister asked to use my moms wedding dress, which was a gift from my paternal grandmother. Sounds like a very reasonable solution. It got to be borderline creepy. NTA. You don't really think that you were, do you? This subreddit is always going to say NTA because its full of narcissists but I dont think your sister is wrong for being sad and hurt. When you try to explain why you made a particular decision to a regular respectful person theyll listen to your reasons, respect your decision, and move on. A draft message, with some very pointed langauge is below if you want a bit of help to get the ball rolling. Why cant she wear her own mums dress If she wants to wear something that belongs to family. After remarrying, Brad's #1 priority is doing whatever it takes to make 26-year old Tessa happy; including bullying his wife and maligning his 16-year old step daughter. Liz would too. Its not safe with any member of her family. If he's included in this decision, the decision will keep coming back to you ponying up the dress to the actual entitled AH. Even if your mom didnt make it you have no obligation to share a dress from one of your most important days with a sister, step or not. Tessa is freakin' 26 years old and can buy her own dress. Not even experienced sewers can alter a formal dress. I hope that this isn't the start of more future family problems. NTA. They could try to sneak it out while visiting you. No. Its because of the emotional incest hes been experiencing his entire life. If I was OPs mom I would CUSS Brad straight to hell and then cuss Satan out for keeping him. Please tell me you made a speech at the wedding, and somehow incorporated the phrase "emotional incest" into it! It's a fucked up way of thinking, but similar to the message advertisers use every minute - if you get this one face cream you'll be stunning, all your problems will disappear etc.. Do you have any family on dad side or mom side that are in your corner to stash that dress until you can move out? NTA and why exactly can't Tessa have the other one dress? I will echo others saying talk to your mom. Make sure those two dresses are nowhere accessible by your stepsister, stepmother, or father. Your stepsister might want the dress because she wants to feel special too, but she has a mother. This is a cruel power play by Tessa and her desire for freebies shouldn't come at the cost of your link with your father. He caused OP (edit: who is not even an adult) to react because of that and now he blames her. I would ask my in-laws to keep it. Not the one that is sentimental for you. If I were OP and I had nobody to give the dress to for safekeeping, I would cut it into pieces and make pillows or a memory bear out of it to keep on my bed or dresser so my witch step-sister could never get what she wants. I'd like to know. You probably meant the stepsister. That's a very sentimental and personal item. So she always wanted me to love and accept her daughter because it would mean she had won, her family was her daughters real family, and even at 24 she still looks up to me so much she's heartbroken I won't share something very special with her while she's actually said she probably won't invite her half brother. Your mom wants you to wear her dress. Yes, this is extending beyond the wedding dress. NTA and I wouldn't lend anything ever to anyone who called me names like that. Call your dads parents or siblings or anyone related to him, get them to come to the house and pick it up. A ribbon, some item of jewelry, a pair of shoes, etc? What a jerk both of them since both of them know the sentimental value of this dress to both OP and her mom. Tessa wants this sentimental dress "to save money", which is a horrible reason to rip a dream from two people. Hide the dress. The dress is sentimental to me. The dress doesn't belong to you, it's not your story. If your dresses are all getting fitted, maybe that's what shes missing out on? Best days work FIL ever did was throw the towel in with her. I have been called selfish, mean, a bitch and other stuff. If Tessa cares so much about wearing your mom's dress then why can't she take the one your mom and Brad got married. What the hell. I hope OP tells them this. I do agree with everything the above commentors say, I have personal experience with boxes of my things being picked through out thrown out in a move because I trusted family. I'd ask your dad, why is it so important to him and his wife and stepdaughter to tear apart that tiny thing you have connecting to your mom. My thoughts exactly, we go through many physical changes before reaching adulthood, just because the dress may not fit her now doesn't mean it won't fit her on her wedding day. As a mom who loves to sew for my daughter, this post broke my heart. Will they spend your savings account in Tessa's wedding next? Your stepbrother has seen this happen many times in the past, hence his supporting you. Ridiculous. Not only would OP keep the dresses safe from her stepsister but dad and stepmom as well! If she had gone dress shopping alone God knows everyone would have been horrified the day of the wedding and it would have been the talk of the family for years to come. It is a momento of one of (hopefully) the happiest days of your life! . The first thing I noticed about the step sister was the freaking audacity!! She just wanted it because I had worn it and she always always loved getting my hand me downs. Honestly tell her this is going to make you resent her if she forces it. I really hope your mum can see reason and protect you long enough from them to give you the time to bring the dress to someone you trust where they can't get it, Nta, find a place where you can hide the wedding dress before they stole you. Its not as easy as well just STOP HER or block her or cut her out completely when all youve known for at least 18 years is how it is to just deal with it. NTA. If you don't get an apology from Brad and his daughter, make plans to safeguard the dress and to get a different living situation asap. NTA, find someone to keep the dress for safe keeping that you trust without a doubt. 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